Is Keeping Secrets In A Relationship Healthy?

is keeping secrets in a relationship healthy is it ok to keep secrets

Have you ever thought about keeping a secret from a partner? Maybe it was something small, but you weren’t sure if you were doing the right thing. Indeed, certain secrets sometimes have their place in some areas of life.

Still, secrets should almost always be avoided when it comes to romantic relationships for the sake of everyone’s mental health.

After all, as researched by our team at Find It Health, secrets have an uncanny knack for making their way to the surface and making themselves known. Secrets rarely stay secret forever and can be a lot of guilt for you to store and cause some couples to break up.

is keeping secrets in a relationship healthy is it ok to keep secrets

Is It Ok To Keep Secrets In A Relationship?

is keeping secrets in a relationship healthy how secrets can destroy a couple

Now is it ok to keep secrets in a relationship? This can be tricky because good communication is the most fundamental thing in a close relationship. You get to know one another through sharing feelings, thoughts, and experiences. They increase your emotional connection and build your intimacy. If you lie or keep big secrets, this will not make for a close, intimate relationship with your significant other.

It will also impact your well-being and the well-being of the relationship.

While such honesty sounds good in theory, it can be challenging if you think about the emotions behind a secret. There can also be different types of secrets and you will need to determine if and when you need to keep a secret safe. For example, you wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise of a secret birthday party!

Two of the most common reasons people are dishonest are they don’t want to hurt or lose their partner. If you debate or keep secrets from your partner, you need to think about your motivation behind this act. If you are struggling with it, try adding more self-care rituals into your life like taking an epsom salt bath in the evening.

If you are dishonest because you fear losing your partner, you need to consider whether you really “have” your partner. Just because you spend a lot of time with your partner does not mean that you fully understand each other and are in a long-term relationship. It’s important to always let your partner in on all the essential things in your life. You want your partner to be with you because they see and understand the authentic you. You want to be fair to yourself and accepted for who you are.

If you keep secrets because you do not want to hurt your partner, think about how they would feel if they found out you were doing this. It’s essential to recognize if you respect them and their right to know this information, especially if you put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel if someone kept secrets from you.

If you want to come clean from secrets in your relationship, think about the best setting. Pick a calm, safe space and anticipate the possible responses of your partner, so you have the best ways to handle these responses.  It could be beneficial to do this after your morning routine together or after you do a Kundalini yoga session first. The ideal time is a place where everyone feels calm, at ease, and not needing to rush back to work or anything else.

If you are struggling with telling a secret, or building trust back it can also be beneficial to work with a therapist or relationship expert. They will be a neutral outsider and able to help the both of you to the best of your needs.

How Secrets Can Destroy A Relationship

is keeping secrets in a relationship healthy should you keep secrets

Secrets can destroy a relationship because they ruin the lack of trust between you and your partner. Honesty is always the best policy, and it is known as a moral code in that keeping secrets is the same as lying. We recognize that sinking feeling of keeping a secret and don’t feel good about it. Keeping secrets makes you feel guilty and on edge all the time. Also, the more time passes, the harder it is. Keep putting off telling a secret to your partner. It will only get bigger and cause more damage to your relationship.

Once you tell the truth, it’s hard to regain your partner’s trust. Lies can damage relationships and grow apart because you lose the emotional connection. It also leads to mistrust and paranoia as you can wonder what your partner is up to or what other secrets they may be hiding. Suppose your partner finds out that you’ve deliberately kept something from them, however small. In that case, they might start to wonder what else you’ve lied about or neglected to mention.

Trust is about much more than catching your partner in truth or lie. Trust is two people having each other’s best interests at heart and fully supporting them for who they are. Mistrust is a feeling that your partner will leave you or is not fully happy with you.  

When people aren’t feeling safe enough in a relationship to be honest, and open with their partner, they don’t believe that their partner truly loves them or is overly protective of their interests. Healthy, happy relationships are built on the principle of trust, and therefore you shouldn’t keep secrets in a relationship.

Relationships should also be built on spiritual abundance. This is the feeling of being self-sufficient and not wanting things for the sake of wanting them. It’s instead attaining a spiritual level where you connect with the universe. This can be a great practice to focus on with your partner because the more you feel fulfilled on spiritual abundance the better the relationship. This can be done by practicing meditation together and anything that will connect you to your highest self.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it ok to keep some secrets?

The truth is that, yes, some secrets are ok in your relationship. But some secrets aren’t and could ruin your relationship. There’s no golden rule but when it comes to riddles, always tell your partner if the secret involves, impacts them, or is something super important they need to know. Also, if you feel guilty not telling them, this is probably a secret they should know about.

How can keeping secrets destroy a relationship?

Secrets destroy a relationship because they break the bond of trust. Not having faith in a relationship makes you feel betrayed, and trust is hard to repair and can be a deal-breaker for most people. 


Is keeping a secret unhealthy?

Keeping secrets is unhealthy because you are being dishonest and feel guilty. Keeping major secrets is a form of lying, and the more time passes, the harder it is to fess up.


Are secret relationships unhealthy?

Secret relationships are dangerous and super unhealthy. You are alone in an intimate relationship and have no one to talk to about your fears or concerns. A personal relationship is two people completely cut off from the world, and this isn’t healthy.

Conclusion – Research by

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While telling secrets can be challenging, it’s better to come clean now than for them to find out elsewhere. Regardless of your motivation behind keeping or wanting to have a secret, remember that open communication and trust are vital to a healthy relationship.

Our team at FinditHealth believes that it’s all about being honest, both with yourself and with them, when it comes to relationships. Be considerate of your feelings, and don’t let secrets eat away at your bond.

Find It Health Editor in Chief Luz Chacon Health and Wellness Coach Giving You Advice

Luz Chacon

Luz Chacon is a Health Educator, Wellness Coach, and EFT Tapping Practitioner with 30+ years in health advocacy. Specializing in stress management, wellbeing, and holistic health, she created a 40% stress reduction employee program. Luz is dedicated to helping busy individuals prioritize self-care, break patterns, and reach goals. She offers programs for organizations and individuals. Luz is passionate about sharing her health research and guiding informed choices!

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Luz Chacon Health Coaches at Find It Health and Stress Management and Natural Holistic Health Coaches