How To Communicate Your Needs In a Relationship — (Meet Each Others Desires)
The secret to a healthy relationship is having the ability to take your partner’s needs into account while expressing yours. Members of FinditHealth found that if you don’t communicate this it can lead to more problems in the relationship.
By communicating your needs in a relationship, you are showing each other that you value them and their role in the relationship. A healthy relationship will thrive when both partners’ needs are met and falter when they are not. Keep reading on ways to communicate your needs in a relationship.
How Can We Meet Each Others Needs And Desires
Just talking about emotional health playing a vital role in our relationships with others is important. Socialization and other day-to-day activities help us meet our social and emotional needs.
At the beginning of emotional self-care is knowing the heart of your emotions. Be one with your emotions and you can be one with the people around you.
Successful relationships require a solid friendship, so it helps in the beginning when needs can be met consistently to build trust and security between partners.
When it comes to meeting needs, effective communication and compromise are an absolute necessity. It’s important to have healthy communication so that you understand your partner’s needs and why it’s important to them. Then reiterate why tending to this is important to you and be clear on your own boundaries and limits in meeting the needs. This will be best for your self care.
Next, communicate what your partner can expect from you going forward and check back with your partner that they understand your limits and are ok with them. These can be difficult conversations at first but will get easier over time.
How To Communicate Your Needs In A Relationship
It sounds cliche, but communication is the key to any long-term relationship. Communication is about healthily expressing yourself, listening to your partner when they are doing the same, and being a supportive listening ear when your partner speaks.
This can be tricky because good communication is the most fundamental thing in a close, romantic relationship.
You get to know one another through sharing feelings, thoughts, and experiences. They increase your emotional connection and build your intimacy. If you lie or keep big secrets, this will not make for a close, intimate relationship with your significant other.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Authentic Communication is not just about discussing the weather and what happened during your day. It’s about building emotional intimacy and digging deeper into getting to know your partner as well as you can.
But communication in relationships doesn’t necessarily mean it’s heart-to-heart. A simple way to do this is to start by asking open-ended questions as a communication style. So, no questions can be answered by a yes or no. For example, instead of “Did you have a good day?”, try instead “What was your favorite part of your day?” It might take time but asking open-ended questions allows your partner to share more if they choose to, and you learn them more profoundly. Be patient with your partner if they are not sharing as much as you would like, and be respectful of their emotional boundaries.
Signs Your Needs Aren’t Being Met
Being aware of your emotional needs is a good and very healthy thing in a relationship. It’s also important to recognize if those needs are fulfilled or not and the difficult feelings that arise when this happens.. When needs are unmet, this can manifest in various ways that can impact your mental health.
The most common sign that your needs aren’t being met is the feeling of neglect. In a relationship, you commit to each other, creating a healthy and wholesome space between you two, and you are a priority to each other. If you do not feel valued, you will feel neglected, and this can trigger and upset you. By feeling neglected, you are pointing to your needs not being met.
Monkey Mind (Squirrel Brain)
When your emotions run high because your needs are not met, your monkey mind will be triggered. You will have all kinds of stories running through your head like “They don’t love me, I’m not worthy of love, or I can’t take this anymore.”
Sometimes it is something they say or a frequent behavior trait you are noticing, and your mind will start spinning. That indicates that this behavior addresses a specific need you have that is not being met in the relationship.
Therapy can be a wonderful resource for helping couples discuss their needs in a neutral setting. It’s impossible to have a loving relationship if you are unable to communicate needs and desires, and healing needs to come first if you want your needs to be met.
A therapist is a certified, trusted professional who understands what you are experiencing and going through at the moment. They can help guide you through different communication strategies and offer tools to help build and support a stronger relationship.
Expressing Needs And Wants
Communicating your needs is one of the most important ways to care for not only yourself but also for the health of your relationship. When you are expressing your needs and wants to your partner, it is best to have a relaxed conversation.
Describe the Initial Event
Make sure to tell this event from your point of view. For example, “At dinner, I noticed you were on your phone the majority of the time.” Make sure to use “I” statements and simply state what you saw.
Name how the situation makes you feel
Now, let your partner know how this action or behavior made you feel at that moment. For example, “I feel like you were ignoring me as I was speaking, and it makes me feel unimportant.”
State what you need
Discuss how this emotionally hurt you, and tell your partner what they can do to address your emotion. For example, “When I feel ignored or not important, I need eye contact or a smile to show that you are listening to me and paying attention.”
Make a specific request
Next, be direct and make a suggestion for something that could prevent this event from happening again. This could be like, “When we have dinner, can we make this a phone-free time”?
Frequently Asked Questions
What to do when your partner isn’t meeting your needs?
If your needs are not being met, we suggest first telling your partner. If your partner does not meet your needs, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship, and probably best to end it.
How do you articulate needs?
When you are articulating needs, it is best to be calm, direct, and clear. Sit down and relax with your partner in a comfortable setting. Have your needs written down and look into their eyes as you express each need.
What are the three primary emotional needs?
The three primary emotional needs are relatedness, Autonomy, and competence. Relatedness is the desire to feel connected and loved by others, Autonomy is the desire to self-organize behavior and experience, and competence means attaining valued outcomes.
Conclusion – Research by Findithealth.com
Communication is a skill and something to always work on for a healthy relationship. Work together with your partner to check in and make sure each other’s needs are being expressed and valued.
Researchers at FinditHealth suggest being as honest, direct, kind, and thoughtful as possible as you two open up to each other and build a healthy relationship.
Luz Chacon is a Health Educator, Wellness Coach, and EFT Tapping Practitioner with 30+ years in health advocacy. Specializing in stress management, wellbeing, and holistic health, she created a 40% stress reduction employee program. Luz is dedicated to helping busy individuals prioritize self-care, break patterns, and reach goals. She offers programs for organizations and individuals. Luz is passionate about sharing her health research and guiding informed choices!